got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
