it was like his penis was on wheels.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
