is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
