1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
