i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
