addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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