I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
