yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
