well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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