Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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