like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
