A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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