all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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