If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just pee around me
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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