I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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