loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
