I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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