If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
