You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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