be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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