You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I didn't notice because vodka
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
