Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
