you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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