I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
