oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
