Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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