i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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