I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My boob is missing a layer of skin
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
