If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
