Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize