dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize