90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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