if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
