We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
