You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
