I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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