Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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