It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
