I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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