Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
