Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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