I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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