just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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