i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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