i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
