I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
