I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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