If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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