Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
