It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
