I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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