Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
