Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
