My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
