i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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