WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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