I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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