She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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