Are we in a gay sports bar?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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