Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
