It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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