Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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