I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
