I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
