my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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