In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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