I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
