You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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