i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
