I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
