i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
