Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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