i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
