i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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