Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
