I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She is in my trunk
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
